10 steps to changing a toddler’s nappy…
1.Lie toddler on the floor. Reach over to get nappy and supplies. Yeh. Your toddler has legged it.
2. Have supplies at the ready this time. Retrieve toddler. Lie him back down on the floor. Ah, look at that cute face. Rob kisses and give tickles and play.
3. Right, you’ve done that for 5 minutes and now your toddler is sick of it and wants to get up and you still haven’t changed the nappy.
4. Commence nappy removal with one hand while holding two wriggly feet in the air with the other. You’ve no hands left now for those pudgy little hands that are fast approaching the shit zone and you’re just going to have to deal with that.
5. Is the nappy dangerously close to overflowing and one side of the nappy is firmly stuck to one of those tabs? You’re on track so. Remember now, you still only have one hand to try and shake that nappy free from its tab without anything spilling out of it, and don’t forget to simultaneously beg your toddler not to put his hand in his own shit while you get that done.
6. Wipe your toddler while he arches his back, wriggles like his life depends on it and clenches tightly, while still holding those feet firmly in the air.
7. Get the fresh nappy on. Grand. Now all that’s left is to close those tabs. Release the toddlers legs and lie him down flat.
8. Close the first tab. Your toddler will have made immediate attempts to escape since you released his legs so you’re really going to have to work for this part. That first tab will take several attempts as he continues his quest for freedom.
9. This is where desperation will kick in and that’s okay. We’ll get there. Beg him to just STAY STILL FOR ONE MORE SECOND WHILE I GET THIS ON! It won’t work but do it anyway sure. You’ll probably find yourself practically pinning him down now while you get that second tab done. It’ll be loose. It’ll be barely attached, but on is on at this point.
10. Release him. It’s done. Let his chubby little legs run free. Wipe the sweat from your brow, the shit from your fingers, and off you go.