The 10 stages of Homework…
It’s Back To School time and shit’s about to get real.
They’re gonna start getting homework, and you’re gonna want to stock up on wine.
Here’s how it goes down –
1.You’re back from the school run and they’ve had a snack. It’s time.
2. Let’s be positive. Smiles. Cheery voices. Maybe there’s not so much today. Maybe the kids will just crack on and get it done.
3. They show you their diary, full to the brim of Maths, Irish and English. One’s to write an essay. A tear threatens to roll down your cheek.
4. They’ve barely opened a book and they’re sighing and giving out. You cheerily tell them to just get stuck in and do their best. It’ll be fine.
5. It’s been 20 minutes and they’re stalling. One is still pairing a pencil and the other is pulling lumps out of a rubber.
6. The one writing an essay has so far has written “The”. The other is telling you the Maths is too complicated. You look at the long division and tell him it’s grand and he’s well able. (You haven’t a clue. Double dutch.)
7. It’s been nearly an hour. The kids have done nothing but give out, nothing is done and you’re at the end of your rope muttering “give me patience” over and over.
8. You’ve had to leave the room. The one writing an essay has done a half arsed 3 sentences while whaling loudly that his hand is tired and the other one is asking Hey Google the answers.
9. It’s been an hour and a half and you’ve lost the will at this stage. You don’t care anymore.
10. It’s done. They did the minimum effort and you could care less. it’s over…..
….. until tomorrow when you do it all again.