The 12 stages of dinner time with Kids…

  1. You’ve prepped dinner lovingly. It’s been seasoned, slow cooked, made with love, time, and the knowledge that it’s both tasty AND good for them. Be confident that TODAY IS THE DAY they will gobble it up with enthusiasm and gratefulness.

2. You call the kids for dinner, ignoring the sighs of “not again” or “oh my God this is the WORST” when you announce that it’s meat, potato and some vegetables and that No, they can’t have chicken nuggets again today.

3. You lay out their dinner in completely different forms to allow for their f*cked up quirky eating habits. For example, one with mashed carrots only, one with whole carrots only, one with gravy all over, one without any gravy slightly touching off their meat..

4. Be positive. Smile. Serve and tell them to enjoy.

5. It’s been 6 whole minutes and nobody has lifted their fork. Gently remind them to eat up before it gets cold.

6. It’s been 15 minutes. You’ve asked them to eat up 67 times trying your very best not to shout “JUST EAT IT IT’S NOT THAT F*CKING HARD!”

7. You’ve reheated their dinners. Someone’s complained their potato has gone soggy. Another one is physically gagging attempting pathetically to eat a green bean. The baby is just throwing food everywhere.

8. You pour a glass of wine.

9. It’s been 40 minutes. You’re hair is nearly falling out in clumps with the stress and one child is crying. They’ve eaten about 3 spoonfuls between them.

10. It’s done. It’s over. They’ve gotten *some* decent food into them and that will do. You usher them off to play and leave you alone to recover.

11. You’ve just sat down with a cup of tea, eyes closed, taking a moment, when one of the kids skips into the kitchen and says “Can I have something to eat?”

12. F*ck the tea. Pour more wine.

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